It's not easy for me to write or talk about it, but I think it's important to share this part of the process too. It is important to me, especially for those who may have the same challenges themselves, that they realise they are not alone. And for everyone else to realise that despite this, being able to draw is not everything.
I love the fact that art of any kind can evoke so many things in us. It can be a way of processing, of giving the viewer or listener comfort, energy, hope or confidence.
It often bothers me that I have the feeling that my pictures may be cute or the photos aesthetically pleasing, but I lack the depth, the story behind them. For me alone, in my own sketches that I scribble, I manage to tell a story much better than before, to let my own thoughts flow into them.
But it's quite difficult for me not to be able to incorporate this depth into my content on social media, or at least not in the way I would like to. That's why I'm still very much in a discovery phase, which is very challenging for me. It's not easy for me to find a consistent line because I like to do so many different things. I still find it difficult to find the right words for the captions and so on.
It is now probably a question of patience, of continuing to practise. It's crucial now to keep going exactly when it's difficult and to keep trying until it works.
I have filmed a few thoughts on this topic. I tried to put into words what hurts me about it, what is so difficult. The text on the right is in English, the video is in German.
I don't know where to start.
And that's exactly my problem - I don't know where to start.
The pain of still not being able to convey what my heart is calling out to me with my pictures, films and illustrations sometimes overwhelms me.
My pictures are not bad and my drawings are perhaps quite sweet, but do they tell a story? Do they tell the story I want to tell?
I often doubt that I will ever tell what I actually want to tell.
I have notebooks full of thoughts, sketches, pictures and texts but still I can't find my voice.
My heart and soul are screaming so loud that I can't hear the words.
But maybe that's the process of every artist. Do you sometimes feel the same way?
Maybe it's talking about what I can't talk about that brings me closer to my voice.